Anxiety, stress, bummed, curious......all say how I feel right now facing my first overnight away from Christian. I'm going out of town for work, overnight, which I am nervous about. Grandma and Grandpa will be staying with him so I am not nervous about that part, I mean they raised six kids and we survived and we definitely put them to the test :) I just hope Christian does ok with them picking him up at daycare, putting him to bed, waking up to them and them dropping him back off at daycare. I will be taking him in the morning and will be home in time on Thursday to pick him up from daycare.
I just wish I could read his mind to know what he is thinking and know what he is feeling. Will he understand that I will be back soon? Will he think I'm just another person coming in and out of his life? Will he be angry with me? happy to see me? scared when I'm gone? So many things running through my mind and what bothers me the most is I will not be a car drive away to get to him if anything happens.
A friend told me today to use as my mantra, " don't worry for what might be nothing," meaning don't waste time and get anxious worrying about something that may not even happen. Great advice that I will try to keep in mind but what can I say, I've always been a worrier. I know this day had to come at some point, and we've been together just two weeks shy of six months, so it's not like he hasn't had time to understand who I am and that I am always around :) I know every mother has had this moment and understands what I am feeling and deep down I know everything will be fine, it's just hard getting the mind and heart to agree on that point.
I have post it notes and lists taped up all over the house....I'm not kidding....for instructions for my parents. They kept calling asking questions, so I thought it would be easier if I just wrote it all down so they could use it as a checklist. I have one on the TV telling them how to use the remote control. One on the bathroom mirror with bedtime instructions. Three on the kitchen cabinets doors with cat care info, "general info" like where to throw away the dirty diapers, where to find the diapers, make sure they lock the car doors because Christian is currently trying to open the door while the car is in motion, and the final page is dinner and breakfast info. I have the food sitting in the dish with the spoon and cup with a step by step note on where to find the cold food, heat it up, etc. I also have a note on the microwave on what buttons to push (really, some microwaves CAN be confusing!). I then have sheets together with directions from my house to daycare; daycare to house; daycare to interstate. It will be interesting to see if they read any of it :)
At this point I know someone is saying to themselves, "wow, she's OCD and/or anal," but in my defense, they did ask me to write "some stuff" done. Not being sure what they consider "some stuff", I decided to be thorough and wrote down everything I could think of that they might need. Now I just hope my cats don't eat or tear up all my notes!!!
Off to try to get some sleep. Couldn't sleep last night, mind was too busy. I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes when I left him at daycare this morning and was telling the teacher about the change in people for tomorrow. I can't imagine how I'll be tomorrow when I'm actually leaving :(
~Amy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Don't feel bad feeling so nervous and OCD about it. It's a big deal for even a typical kid but especially for a kid who has been used to people going in and out of his life.
ReplyDeleteThat said, one night is not going to make or break your attachment. He may have a lot of feelings when you get home and you'll just have to be there for him. In some ways I think it is good for kids to see that you can separate and you will still come back - that a separation is not permanent because up until now, any separation he has had has been permanent. So it is good for him to see that you are different. Yes, there is a separation but you always come back. At least once a week my son still makes some comment about "coming back". He has recently started saying to me, "Because you always come back" and today he told his Spiderman doll that he "would come back for him". This is an important lesson that needs to be showed over and over again and this is one more way you can do it. I would emphasize that part when you do come home: "See, I ALWAYS come back to you!"
Good luck! Hope it all went smoothly and all your worrying was for nothing! And that you get some sleep tonight!