First Orphanage Visit on 3-29-10

This is retroactive and the event occured on March 29, 2010 - my first visit to the orphanage.
We observed the countryside on the 1 1/2 hour drive to the orphanage, saw stork's nests on top of telephone poles, lots of run down homes and the roads were so rough my back was killing me by the time we arrived.  We wove our way through the drizzling rain, over brick streets with our driver manuevering like a NASCAR dodging the pot holes, while we gasped as he darted back into our lane before a collison occured.  It was a little unnerving and all I could think was I'm going to end up in a crumpled metal pile along the roadside before I even get to meet my daughter.  Beth and I groaned as our bruised bodies bounced around on the hard car seats and all we could do was roll our eyes and giggle.

My first view of the orphanage was one of disbelief, followed by sadness then inspiration. It was a huge old mansion that was the former home of the captain of the railroad years ago, that was converted into an orphanage. The paint was peeling but it stood proudly projecting a shadow of it's former glory. My designer's mind reeled with the possibilities for restoration and the images raced through my mind, being brought up short to reality when I saw the children's playground area.  I took a deep breath as I drug my sore body out of the car and tried to absorb every detail around me to commit my first moments to memory.  As we walked around the building to the entrance, I keep repeating my prayer, "God please let this be the child that you mean for me to have, let her like me and grow to love me." I know believe when people say their knees knock when they are nervous because mine were the whole band percussion section!

We met the orphanage director and orphange chief doctor, in the office area, where they relayed through our translator, the little girl's background, medical history and personality.  I asked several questions, asking more details about the girl's extended family's medical history, sibling's histories, type of personality and what level of developmental delay she was at. The result was that she was a "little behind but making fast progress." They called her their "flower", she was outgoing, loving and was behind in her speech.  We moved into their therapy playroom, they brought her in, she took one look at me and freaked out.  I did not move toward her because I didn't want to scare her.  She stayed back from me, only interacting with the orphanage staff, did play a little with the blocks I brought and watched the bubbles a little.  I was about 4-5 feet away from her the whole time and any move toward her would send her into a bit of a tantrum.  I was disappointed and felt inadequate that I could not get her to interact with me at all. I understood I was a stranger and she was scared but I couldn't help feeling disappointed a little.  Beth took videos for me to send to the US doctor for evaluation.  Being a parent, I looked helplessly to Beth and asked her if she had any ideas on how I could reach her but she was at a loss too. After an hour we left the orphanage to drive 1 1/2 hours back to the hotel.

My agency rep tried to console me by saying she sees this alot and by the second or third visit, the child usually comes around and is used to the parent.  So I felt better and said a few more prayers that tomorrow would be a better day for both of us.  I read the adoption message boards of people's experiences on how well it went for them and wanted that for me too.  I think that was the cause of my disappointment, I didn't have that perfect first visit, but later realized I should have been more realistic and prepared for a not so great visit. I was still hopeful the second visit would be better and prayed that the meeting with the city medical clinic doctor tomorrow morning would reveal a positive thorough medical report and off we would go for the second visit.  Sadly, that was not to be the case for me.
~Amy